Humor all around...

The New Yorker is one of those web sites where you can dive in anytime and afford to loose your way amid its articles without realizing how your weekend or any day got melted.

Below mentioned article from The New Yorker sums up it's best humour writings of 2008 in just one write up. Each of these articles (mentioned in this article as separate para and link) are fabulous and must read.

Enjoy!!!


2008: The Year in Shouts & Murmurs

Here are some highlights from this year’s humor writing in The New Yorker.
The plan isn’t foolproof. For it to work, certain things must happen:
The door to the vault must have accidentally been left open by the cleaning woman.
—“The Plan,” by Jack Handey

Explaining how she felt when John McCain offered her the Vice-Presidential spot, my Vice-Presidential candidate, Governor Sarah Palin, said something very profound: “I answered him ‘Yes’ because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can’t blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can’t blink. So I didn’t blink then even when asked to run as his running mate.”
—“My Gal,” by George Saunders

“Ladies and gentlemen, as I’ve campaigned across this great country of ours, one of my greatest pleasures has been meeting all the wonderful Americans whose voices are so rarely heard—and whose stories are so rarely told.
“I’m thinking of the young woman I met in Texahoma, Texas: a single mother who has three full-time jobs—but no health insurance. Or the young man I met in Oklatexa, Oklahoma, who has tons and tons of health insurance—but no job. I’ll never forget the look in that young man’s eye when he said to me, “Also, I’m single, and I’d like to meet a woman who already has children and who preferably lives in an adjoining state.”
—“Stump Speech,” by Paul Simms

“Hey, can I ask you something? Why do human children dissect us?”“It’s part of their education. They cut open our bodies in school and write reports about their findings.”“Huh. Well, I guess it could be worse, right? I mean, at least we’re not dying in vain.”
—“Animal Tales,” by Simon Rich

I just had a great idea for a TV show: People from all over the world begin to sense they have superpowers.
—“Antiheroes,” by George Saunders

The bra and panties stand for women’s rights.
—“The Symbols on My Flag (And What They Mean),” by Jack Handey

Dear Sir or Madam:Recently, your name was suggested to the Prize Committee of the Milo and Angeline Bupkas Foundation as a person of unusual or extraordinary merit in the arts who might benefit from a letter in the mail such as this one.
—“A.S.A.P.,” by Ian Frazier

After the death of Washoe, a chimpanzee who had been taught to use sign language, the scientist Duane Rumbaugh told the Times that chimps “don’t get contracts to write books, they don’t get invited to give talks, they don’t vote and so on, but their intellectual functioning overlaps” with that of humans.
—“I’ll Be a Monkey’s Agent,” by Paul Rudnick

A therapist’s office, Central Park West.Patient: I just heard a funny joke.Therapist: (doing the crossword ) “Rose is a rose is a rose” writer. Five letters.Patient: Stein?Therapist: Stein.Patient: What was the big deal with Gertrude Stein? She was, like, the original famous-for-being-famous person. The Paris Hilton of the twenties.Therapist: It’s going to be tough to finish this if you keep talking.
—“Last Session,” by John Kenney

Increasingly, in recent centuries, We have been reminded of a fact that We have tended to overlook: eternity lasts a very long time.
—“The Afterlife: Cutting Back,” by David Owen